Madrid and The London Dungeons Part 13

[Juan Aneiros]

On our way back to London and after visiting "La Granja" , just outside Segovia, the place where Mr Lee filmed all the "Musketeers" films, we went to Madrid. We were not sure if we wanted to go to "El Escorial", place were Mr Lee is only the second actor to ever be allowed to act inside, I forgot the name of the other. The film was "That Lady", were he played so many characters that I'm surprised he didn't play the donkey too. We missed the route by driving through some very high mountains on the way to Madrid, so we decided to go to the "Parque de Atracciones" (Theme Park) instead.

Madrid, for those of you that never been there is a very unpleasant place for someone who does not live there. The people are unhelpful, plain rude and speak worse Spanish than a cockney with a toothache. Driving trough the center of Madrid, is asking for trouble. Everyone is very inpatient, all you hear is people honking at you to the point were I got so frustrated that the next person who would say a word or make a noise, I would just stop the car in the middle of the street and give a new meaning to road rage. Christina was getting as upset as I was, luckily my driving became so aggressive that no one bothered me again, specially after seeing the look in our faces. We managed to get close to mastering Mr Lee's after being at the receiving end so many times.

At this time, we just wanted to find directions to the airport and get the hell out of there. After a couple of hours driving without being able to stop or park anywhere, no where to do that unless you can park on top of another car, by a miracle we found the light. "Parque de Atracciones" to the right, Airport straight ahead.

So, we went to the "Parque de Atracciones". On the way and through some surrounding park every 50 meters or so, I had to slow down to avoid running over some very well dressed and good looking women that kept starring at us. Yes, they were prostitutes although it took Christina sometime to figured that one out as she claims to never have seen any before. By the sound of her questions, I have no doubt.

A few minutes later, there we were. That theme park brought both of us some very good childhood memories, Christina was taken there by her parents while a little girl and I was there when 13 years old. Like little kids, we wondered around with excitement until we got to a place called "El Viejo Caseron"(The old Mansion). The place looked similar to one of those houses used in the old Dracula Films. We tried to get in, but it was closed so we just forgot about it. Later on, I was overhearing someone who claimed to be attacked by Dracula inside so our curiosity increased and we went back later.

The house was now opened and there was a very long queue of speechless people outside. Some of them were regreting having bought the tickets as they saw the look in the faces of some visitors coming out. I was thinking about The London Dungeons and how that nasty woman nearly gave me a heart attack. Christina was there quietly and all cool, I asked her if she would be scared and she said yes. Although I knew that having the master of horror as her father, it would take more than simple amateur actors to put the frights on her. I was reading the signs outside and getting really nervous as our turn got closer. No one was laughing or saying a thing, no noises were coming from inside that house neither. The signs outside just added to my nerves by saying things like "If you are prone to being scared, please go back now or leave at the first safe exit at the house", people were coming out from those doors all the time. I saw some Chinese go in with a collection of cameras round their necks and come out white 1 minute later.

Our turn came, we went in as a group of 8. The guard outside told us to keep close together, only walk forward and do not get lost. Any signs of anxiety and leave through the first exit as they will not be responsible for anyone fainting or having a heart attack. All of us were scared to death but Christina, who could not understand what the hell the guard said to us and couldn't care less neither, she just got hold of my hand and kept smiling. In front of us were two men, one of which was given the task to act as the guide. The poor man said, do I have to? Can't you have the guy behind me do it instead? I gave both the guard and him a dirty look, a civil war would have started there and then if anyone tried to force me to do that. So, him and a younger man walked up the stairs and knocked at the door. The door opened, it was pitch black inside. At this point, the other four who were behind us got hold of Christina and I by our clothes and were ducking and shaking. I was very close to the guide but did not touch him. Suddenly, we heard some steps and this nasty looking man came towards us and started to talk to our guide, I kept well away and so did the rest behind me. The man spoke with the most horrible voice you can imagine and made the woman at the London Dungeons look as nice as the prostitutes we encountered hours earlier. The creature was giving some friendly instructions but still made the two guys at the front run away. The creature made way for us and waited beside the next door, Christina was to my left, so she avoided passing beside the creature. In fact, she avoided passing beside anyone and even missed someone who I swear looked like Mr Lee passing at lightening speed in front of me. I thought to myself, if this man so much talks to me or touches me I'm out of here by running out through a wall, never mind using the emergency exit. Instead, and without thinking I pushed his arm away and got past him. The people at the back were stretching my jumper with the fear and going into a human ball for protection. Next, after walking through a corridor came this very loud noise which had me thinking the whole house was coming down. We were all so frightened that we just kept on walking and somehow the screams did not come out. Then we went down some stair and my shirt had 3 pairs of hands attached to it instead of the previous 2, It was pitch black all the way and the only noise that came out was that of Christina saying in firm but very polite Spanish, "Un momentito por favor, yo no puedo ir tan rapido. No me empujes tonto" (A moment please, I cannot go so fast. Don't push me you fool). That was directly to the pair of hands holding on to her dress. After that, a series of nightmares came. Freddie Krugger (sic), etc, etc, etc. All characters from well know films who will come out of nowhere and attack you with such force and brutality that you felt like you were fighting for your life. Christina was always safe on my left as so were the guys behind so all attacks were at me. I got so scared and nervous that I became another like one of those monster and anticipated any move by holding their wrists or by putting my foot in front of them. Things calmed down for a while until we went into a room with a shower that resembled "Psycho". Then all of a sudden the music started playing and he came out from nowhere with a knife in his hand that look as real as in the film. The nutter, attacked me like a wild beast until I could not contain his arm and felt for a moment the imaginary knife going into my chest. I felt relief for a second. Then we entered the bed with the woman from the "Exorcist", she looked like a mannequin in the bed. We went by and were reaching the exit until the woman jumped out of the bed and said into my face "Vete al Infierno" (Go to hell). I was looking for an exit door, I could not take anymore. Everyone else was holding on to me and protecting themselves behind me, I would have taken all out with me. Since it was no exit door left, we got to another room. Now, I've never imagined anyone would do anything like that. This guy was behind a cell, made a terrible noise like if he smashed a metal door down. I've turned back on my tracks and he broke the whole cell. He jumped out and produced a chain saw which sounded real and attacked me with it. I ducked nearly to the ground, then he disappeared and we saw the exit door ahead.

For about 5 minutes, we didn't speak to each other Christina just smiled and said, "everyone attacked you all the time. I was safe against the wall and anyway, if anyone messed with me, I would call my daddy and he will make them fell sorry they bothered me". For a moment I thought, yeah right!. But after thinking it over, they bloody would. Especially as I imagined them being stopped in their tracks at every opportunity and given long lectures on how modern horror uses unnecessary violence to scare people and show them how it should be done. In fact, he is much more scarier when he gets upset about being referred as Dracula that playing the character itself.

After dodging a never ending amount on further call girls, this time trying to stop us, we got on to the motorway and found the airport at last.

Thanks for taking us through such a visual story!

Are you glad you went in?

[Joe Skinnell]

Well, if the two of you ever come to Chicago for a vacation, you'll find that what is a spook house in Spain is called "The West Side' over here.
Sounds like you had a blast.:1devil:

[Vicky]

Juan,

Fabulous telling of what happened, sounds fantastic, you wouldn't see that over here.

Sounds like you had a great time.

Vic

[Colin Bushby]

A great story Juan, so funny, I could not read some of it for laughing. Scaring your wife half to death on your honeymoon...
don`t you just love it.:1devil:

Question :- if you get scared half to death TWICE..what happens?